7 Most Unexpected Things About Postpartum

I sat down to write this post so many times throughout maternity leave, but I never felt like I had the mental capacity or the time to give it the attention it deserved until now. Now that I’m  four months out and getting back into work, I’m finally hitting publish on my raw, real account of what postpartum was like for me. While you carry a child or children in my case, the excitement and nerves mount with every passing day for that glorious moment when the babies come into the world. Then, what unfolds afterward is magical, heart-swelling and, at times, just plain strange.

Everyone says it, but it’s so true—there’s so much that no one talks about. I’m not sure if we’ve all collectively blocked out the odd occurrences, because we love our children so much or what, but I’m going into the nitty-gritty of what really goes down after you give birth. This is, of course, just my experience, and I know it’s different for everyone. I thought hearing the honest truth might help some of you who are about to give birth know what to expect, and simply entertain the rest of you.

1. You’re an emotional, hot mess

When we first got home from the hospital, I cried every day, multiple times a day. I felt like I had no control over my emotions and would meltdown at just about anything. One of my favorite such episodes was when I knocked the spice jars out of our pantry, and they exploded all over the floor. I proceeded to sit down and ball my eyes out. In those early days of juggling the twins, all it took was a slightly cross look from Chris or simply looking at the kids for the waterworks to start. If you know me, you know I’m not normally an emotional person at all, so this was like an out of body experience for me. In the midst of crying, I would even say out loud that I knew it was so weird and that the hormones were to blame. This subsided after about three weeks for me, but I haven’t spoken to any other woman who didn’t experience some form of this, so it’s totally normal. Cry it out, honey.

2. A C-section scar is not made for driving—or really much else in the beginning

My sister came to NYC to help us drive the kids home from the hospital and get settled. After fighting with the car seats for almost an hour, we finally got the twins in the car and headed off to Brooklyn from our hospital on the Upper East Side. This was such a surreal moment, but as we took the first turn we hit a slight bump in the road, throwing me into complete agony. Every tiny bump and pothole hurt my C-section scar to hurt so badly. I was crouched over to try to protect the incision, cursing the city for not using more of my hard-earned tax dollars to keep the roads in better condition (lol). Once we made it home, I had to constantly remind myself to take it slow and not bend over to pick anything up. Although, I have to say I enjoyed the few extra weeks of making Chris do everything for me.  Picture me saying “Oops honey! I dropped my spoon” for best results. It also took me at least two weeks to look at my scar in the mirror for fear of what I would see (crazy, I know!). I would make Chris check it every day to make sure it didn’t look infected. News flash: it wasn’t that bad once I finally looked. It’s really low and the weirdest part is that your deflating pregnancy belly sort of hangs over it and is so jiggly.

Around the four week mark, I started to feel like the incision was healed, and I could bend at the waist again. Lots of you asked me for tips for healing a c-section, and I don’t really have any except for lots of vitamin e oil (I love this one!) and being patient with your body. After you’re cleared at your six-week appointment, start massaging your scar every day for 10 minutes. The doctors didn’t tell me about this (eye roll), but another mom friend told me how important this is to make sure you don’t let the scar tissue build up creating a lifelong pooch. I found this video really helpful for how to do the scar tissue massage.

3. Breastfeeding sucks

I didn’t really see this coming. I thought this was going to be one of my favorite parts of being a mom. How cool is it that I can provide food for my kids with my body? In theory, it all sounds great, but in reality, having a C-section meant my milk never came in more than 4 oz per pump. Not to mention, those first few days of breastfeeding and pumping hurt your nipples so bad. It’s truly alarming.

In the beginning, I tried to nurse each twin for a few minutes each, then give them a bottle of formula to supplement. That was such a juggle, so I exclusively pumped from when they were two weeks old. Personally, I hated the feeling of spending so much time pumping (5 times a day, plus one middle of the night pump) while still having to supplement. When you need 8 oz to feed two mouths every three hours, I just couldn’t keep up. This left me feeling really inadequate, stressed, and kind of psychotic, to be honest. Every time I had a low quantity pump I would beat myself up about it, and once we started to get really busy with packing and moving, it became virtually impossible to do all of the things required to keep my supply up. All you need to do is eat three healthy meals a day, drink water constantly and get plenty of rest (ha!). I broke up with my pump at exactly 12 weeks and didn’t look back.

4. There are random side effects galore

Postpartum is a buffet of side effects that seem to roll out one after the other, and they’re still coming at 16 weeks out. For the first week, my feet were so swollen–I’m talking elephant ankle status. I thought I had gotten away with not having swollen feet during pregnancy, but I certainly made up for lost time during postpartum. Once that went away after about a week of being home, I entered the phase of horrible constipation. This started around week four and honestly still comes and goes. I have found that having a glass of this Calm Tea is really helpful, plus these over-the-counter pills when the going really gets rough.

I also experienced numb hands in the morning, and after some research discovered that this is normal and can be the result of carpal tunnel that develops during postpartum. Another fun tidbit was when my deodorant fully stopped working from week 4 until week 8. Sorry Chris! I used this charcoal armpit mask (seriously!) to restore PH balance in my pits and that got me back on track. The list seemingly goes on and on—dry skin, postpartum acne and spider veins. I’m still waiting for my hair to fall out, and hoping that maybe, just maybe I could hold on to all this extra pregnancy hair. Probably wishful thinking!

5. No, your stomach does not get flat immediately

For most of you reading this, I’m probably stating the obvious, but I was floored when I posted this Tiktok and so many people commented on the fact that I still had a belly. I am really excited to be working out again, and I’m going to share some tips in another post soon about how to exercise safely after pregnancy. I’m definitely learning that patience is key when recovering and am trying not to worry about having a little extra weight around the midsection. When I left the hospital I had only lost about 15 pounds of the 50 I gained, and it’s been very slow and steady ever since. I have about 15 pounds to go to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight, and, for me, it’s my pants I miss the most. Great high-waisted pants and jeans are definitely the hero pieces of my wardrobe, so that’s the only thing motivating me to eat better and show up to my at-home workouts (snooze!).

6. It’s really isolating

Even before Covid, doctors recommended that new parents are cautious about letting people see their children before they get their two-month vaccines. With Covid, our pediatrician recommended that we have zero guests until they had their shots. Keep in mind that we had already isolated for the month of September, so that we wouldn’t run into any Covid-related issues during delivery. This meant that I literally did not have any IRL human interaction for September, October or November. After taking care of the twins alone while Chris worked during the week for two months, I think I was actually going a little bit insane. The day they got their shots, I felt such a weight lifted. We could finally have a friend or two over to meet these beautiful humans we grew while everyone was stuck at home (!!). If you’re also in this position, I would recommend finding some great tv to watch while you are holding bottles to mouths, FaceTime with your friends and family, and take lots of daytime walks with the stroller. These are the things that got me through!

7. Not working is a mental challenge

I have spent much of my adult life up until now focusing on building my career. I thrive on productivity and feel at my best when I am tackling big goals in my professional life. When you have children, that temporarily grinds to a halt, and that was such a mental struggle for me. I thought I would feel like I was on a vacation, but in those early days, it was a big adjustment to give all of my energy to my personal life for once. Even though I was on maternity leave from working with my a-listed studio clients, I was still attempting to create content for this site and my Instagram. Some days I would get so frustrated by the feeling of not being able to complete a simple task—doing an Instagram Story, taking a photo or just taking a quick shower—felt like moving heaven and earth. I realized I had been putting way too much of my self-worth into my work, but that’s a topic for a whole other blog post. I know now that it’s possible to continue a career and be a great mom, if you put strategic guardrails around your time. Chris has always said he’s “ruthless with his time” when it comes to business, and I’m taking that motto to heart in 2021. If it’s not crucial, it doesn’t make it to my calendar, so that there’s plenty of time to cuddle the two most important people in my life.